November
Today, I am walking through my little park and singing a new song. The words of this song start like this, “there is a garden of your glory where a river flows with your love. There are flowers of your kindness where a breeze blows with your peace.” This is a song about the kingdom of God the kingdom of love. I've been thinking a lot about the kingdom of love. I feel it God wants me to see it and feel it and know it and believe it. And speak it. The kingdom of love is everywhere God is so it's everywhere. We experience it most profoundly deeply in nature. God created all of nature to reflect him in so many ways. His goodness is love his peace his power. And many other ways. We enter his kingdom and worship. But there's also a kingdom of darkness. And that kingdom is filled with chaos, sadness, anger, deceit, lying, sickness, frustration, brokenness and on and on. But the Lord uses all of that he uses all of that created by the kingdom of darkness, he uses all of that to gently lovingly draws into the kingdom of love his kingdom. He's drawing every one of us everyday every minute. He's drawing me everyday every minute. He has so much good for us. So much love. If we can just let ourselves trust him and be drawn into the kingdom of love the kingdom of God.
Wow!!! I just had the most amazing thought! From the Lord of course! I'm walking along the path here and I can see all the branches on the trees, they're bare now. And I can see how some of the branches turn down. And I've read that whenever a branch turns down rather than up it needs to be pruned. That's one of the signs of the needing to be pruned even if it's producing leaves it needs to be pruned. Well while I'm looking at this. I'm thinking about how nature is this beautiful environment where the kingdom of love is expressed so fully but as I'm looking at these trees that are growing right here free and wild I'm thinking wow they think he pruned. And that's when I thought about how at the very beginning of everything in the book of Genesis, one of the very first things that God does with Adam is he makes him a caretaker of the garden. Wow and we all think about that that meant taking care of the actual trees and bushes and whatever. But it means more it means more goddess invited us He's invited me, to be a caretaker in his garden of love. Wow....
November
This morning is the day after my concert at Charlene's house yesterday. And I am walking in the cold sunshine and praising the Lord and thanking him and worshiping him. I am filled with the joy of his goodness and his choice of me. His holy Spirit uplifted me yesterday. I'm sure his angels attended me. The day went so amazing and well and beautiful. Connections were made, seeds were planted and many many other good things I'm sure.
This morning I read in Psalm 81:10, “I am the Lord your God who brought you up out of Egypt. Open wide your mouth and I will fill it.” This verse has gone deep deep into my heart. Both lines, I am the Lord your God. He is my God He's just not the God. The God out there of the universe. No, he is my God. But the second line. Wow, that has grabbed me hard! Open wide your mouth. Believe me trust in me, hope in me, and I will fill it. Oh God wants that from me. He wants me to commit fully trust him deeply. He wants to fill everything that needs filling in me. And everything that wants filling in me. Wow, that is hard to fully grasp. So I'm walking along my stillness path here and I have my mouth open as wide as I can. And I'm praying, “Lord feel it fill my mouth fill it! Fill it with music and song! Fill it with your words of goodness and love! Filll it with peace fill it with truth fill it with everything you want. And I am singing the worship song from yesterday especially that and sentence, yes you are my God. Yes you are, yes you are, yes you are my God
November
Wow! What an incredibly beautiful day today it is. It is warm and sunny and quiet and peaceful. Except for the Canadian geese who are honking up a storm, lol!
As I was walking, I was thanking the Lord for everything I could think of his presence is love is goodness is companionship and on and on. And I thought about this beautiful place that I meet walking with him. And that brought to mind, He brought to mind the verse in Genesis that says in the cool of the evening God walked with Adam and Eve in the garden. And I have this incredible overwhelming beautiful understanding that God was walking with me in the garden and that's what he wants for all of us! He wants us to walk with him in the garden. Just to be together. Just to feel his love. Just to be in companionship and relationship and loving togetherness with him. Oh I know this in my brain but more and more God is helping me to experience it in my heart and my soul. Oh thank you father! Thank you thank you thank you! Never, I beg you never let me forget this! Never let me wonder away from this. Draw me back to you, to walking with you, to walking in the garden with you.
November
Today (Friday), the sun is shining beautifully there's a soft little breeze. The little lake is filled with honking geese coming and going. It's so much fun to watch.
But I'm finding myself so distracted! I want to be at peace and draw close to the Lord but my thoughts keep running off hither and yon. Normally, I want to condemn myself in this moment. But I know I don't have to! The Lord is telling me that. He is right here with me, loving me, enjoying me. And he knows who I am. He knows everything about me he knows whether I can focus or not, lol. I love that. I love him!
I was thinking about the Holy Spirit a moment or two ago, and God reminded me that the Holy Spirit wants to teach us all things. I think there's more to that verse more than just all things but all things pertaining to godliness. I need to look this verse up. But this touches me deeply!!! I know the Holy Spirit teach me everything I need to know about God, about myself, for the future, my ministry. All of that. Oh this is why God calls us to draw dear to him. Oh he gives us all the time and so many ways. But the best when we draw near. Oh Lord help me show me guide me. How do I draw near?
Now that is a really good question. The first thought that comes to me is that to draw near to something, you must draw away from something else. But I bet there are other steps too.
November
I'm looking at all the trees around me. They are quickly shedding their leaves some have completely lost all their leaves. But God is reminding me that I am still in the kingdom of love. And that's when I realized the kingdom of love is not a static place it's not an idyllic garden with perfect trees and flowers where nothing ever changes. The kingdom of love is in constant change, growth, renewal, and adjustment. And even healing!
As I look at the trees that have shed their leaves I see how much their true shape is revealed, their basic structural identity. And it's made me think of myself. How my whole life my basic identity was so twisted and broken. But I tried so hard to look like all the other trees! I tried to add branches that look like they went straight up to heaven. And I paste on beautiful green leaves that look like they came from the healthiest organism, even though they were completely fake. But God stripped me. Stripped me of all of that and he has been healing my basic identity. So, I'm not twisted. I'm not broken. But I look like these trees instead. Now, I grow straight up tall to the sun, to him! For real.
And now, oh the glorious now! Now I can grow up tall and straight. I can produce beautiful green leaves. And fruit! Before, I was so broken smashed down to the ground and there were so many many many bitter roots, I think I was only able to produce bitter fruit. I don't know. Time will tell. Eternity will tell. But now I can produce real fruit. Now, I know how to walk in the Spirit. Or I'm learning to walk in the Spirit. Or really, I'm at the beginning of learning to walk in the Spirit and that's where real fruit comes from. The real fruit - the fruit of the spirit.
I'm looking at this huge tree, actually it appears to be a cluster of trees but it's all growing together nice and tight so it looks like one tree. And this massive giant branches the reach high, high, high into the sky. And it is so beautiful! When I looked at it I thought, oh this tree is like Carrie my coach. Strong and big, beautiful, growing huge up to the Lord. And then I thought if myself how I've always believed that I had to be small. So the big giant growth, that the Lord had for me, I have probably most likely always squelched. And the branches I've tried to paste in myself, were probably little branches. But they were as big as I could think and I can see. But they weren't his growth, his magnificent growth that he planned for me no. They are only what I planned for myself. Oh my gosh this is just so big and important. And those fake branches I put on myself they were insubstantial. They had no life running through them. Oh my gosh I get it, they had no life! Like the vine and the branches that Jesus spoke about. They could not produce leaves and certainly not fruit! Only the vine can do that. Wow! This is huge. No wonder I experienced so much failure. I was separate from the vine. Oh I was a born-again Christian but I was not living in the vine. I was living in my brokenness. I was living in the false strength of my own human will and intellect. I was quenching the Spirit.